The Becoming of ShinRa
by NekyuToi
Summary: Shinra...so persistent. Cloud and Co. must stop them! But before that, they must rescue President Yuffie, Receptionist Aeris and Naughty Model Tifa.
1. Chapter 1

The Becoming of Shin-Ra

_**The characters and locations in this fan fiction are those of Squaresoft's Final Fantasy VII, and they own full copyright of them, not I.**_

_1993 - February 18th - 11:12pm_

Rain swept across the Neo-Shin-Ra Building in Sector 5 of Midgar. It loomed over the slums, and that of two people, who stood at the buildings doors. One of the two was humanoid, and called Strife, Cloud, whilst the other one was robotic, named Cait Sith.

"I don't think this is wise, Cloud." Cait Sith muttered. After the Sephiroth Incident, Reeve went into hiding, leaving a man named Cid to built an artificial intelligence chip to use on Cait Sith to emulate Reeve's personality. Cloud thought it worked quite well, yet the new A.I. Caith Sith was not as shifty as previous. Cloud swept his wet, blonde hair out of his face.

"We can't fail. All we have to do is kidnap the new President of Shin-Ra and bring her to Cid's airship." Cloud replied. Cait Sith's programming intelligence has this to say about the new President of Shin-Ra.

Name: Yuffie Kisaragi. Age: 19. Ethniticity: Wutaian. 'Yuffie is a ex-MISS (Midgar Investigative Special Service) Agent, who after gaining her way to the top, found herself as the new Presidenta of Shin-Ra. However, this is information concerning Yuffie's memory, as this is not factual. Yuffie is in fact a citizen of Wu-Tai, yet after the events of Sephiroth had her memory erased by Rufus, and a new memory replaced within. While this seems most far-fetched, it is quite simple, but to explain it would take a great deal. Let's just shorten it to: "So she swallowed a memory chip? Why don't she jus' shit it out?" as Barret would say.'

"We must excersize extreme caution from now on, Cloud. Let's enter from the back entrance." Cait Sith explained. Cloud shook his head and entered from the front. Cait Sith had no choice but to enter with him. They were in a reception area. The lady at reception, or Aeris as she was formerly known by, looked up from her Daily Midgarian Woman Mag to look at this new people. Of course, she did not recognize them, as she had befallen the same fate as Yuffie.. although she was too dim to be placed as high as Presidenta. Cloud erased previous memories of Aeris so as to not alert suspicion.

"Hey, handsome." Aeris smiled. Cloud walked over. "May I help you?" she continued.

"I have an appointment with Presidenta Kisaragi." Cloud replied. She picked up a folder and opened it, revealing an appointment list.

"I'm sorry, you are..?" she asked quite innocently.

"Mr...Tempest, first name...Cecil.." he couldn't use his real name, so he made one up on the spot.

"Let me see.. " she quickly looked back and forth on the register. "I'm sorry, Mr. Tempest, but your name does not appear to be on this list." she looked up at him. Cait Sith bounced back and forth nervously. "Oh. Is your cat alright?" she asked. Her actions were more feminime than before, she moved her hand to her mouth whilst saying it.

"I'm quite fine, thank you, miss." Cait Sith replied. Her eyes widened.

"It spoke!" she cried.

"I can do more than just speak you know." he exclaimed.

"Sorry, miss. It's a robot... friend." Cloud interrupted. Cid had been a bastard and put quite a perverted A.I. chip on Cait Sith.

"Oh,.." she replied.

"I am positive this is the time, the appointment man said 11:20pm... could you please ask the appointment manager?" he asked. Aeris nodded and smiled.

"Please wait here a moment." she excused herself and left via the door behind her desk. Cloud picked up the magazine, for reasons you'll find out later.., and ran over to the elevator.

"Come on Cait, this is our chance!" Cloud whispered. Cait ran over to him and they both entered the elevator. Security is more strict in this new Shin-Ra building, so they could only stop at Floor 20, although they needed to get to Floor 35. What a bother!

"Right." Cait started to speak. "All the employees at this floor have left for home, all that is left are the computers filling in whilst everyone isn't here. I can't tap into the computer to allow us to go up to Floor 35, as it will set off security, so I'm afriad we'll have to get there by climbing." Cloud sighed at hearing this, the girly magazine still clutched in his hands. At the same time, Aeris was wondering where her magazine and the gentleman were after her failure in finding the appointment manager. They walked over to a door marked 'Engineer Room'. "This is the room. We can access the duct to get up to the next floor from here. The heat is shut off during the night to allow less energy consumption, so don't worry about heat exhaustion." Cait Sith informed Cloud. Cloud was dissapointed, he thought he looked quite attractive when hot and sweaty, but that's because of his great ego. They tried the doorhandle, yet to no avail; it was locked.

"It's locked!" Cloud cried.

"Keep your voice down!" Cait Sith whispered. Too late. A small echo groped the walls around them...

雑音乃レベル壱検出。

"Huh! What was that? I didn't understand a word." Cloud whispered.

"I can translate it for you. The security system was concieved in Wu Tai, so of course you can't understand it. The computer said "NOISE LEVEL ONE DETECTED". If the noise level goes past three, we'll have all the security shit on our backs, so please keep quiet." Cait Sith muttered. Cloud found it amusing: vulgarness mixed with politeness, yet he promised to Cait he wouldn't shout anymore.

"So, any fancy ideas on how to unlock this door, Cait?"

"Hang on. Don't you have a hair clip?" he asked. Cloud's face went red.

"Wh-wh-what! Of course not..."

"I can detect a metal object in your hair, why don't you take it out?"

"Only on the promise that you'll erase this moment from your memory banks!"

"...Memory isn't being recorded from now on." Cloud sighed and pulled a hair clip from his blond locks. "Now insert it in the crack between the frame and the door and slide it upwards." Cloud did as was suggested and the door unlocked.

"What a crappy lock for such a highly technologically advanced secuirty system." Cloud pondered.

"Why must you always state the obvious, Cloud?" Cait Sith snapped, as he jumped up to pull on the door handle. The door opened, and they both went in.

It was pitch dark in the Engineer's Room.

"Turn on the light, Cloud." Cait suggested. Cloud fumbled around on the damp walls for a lightswitch and came across a dial. He turned it anti-clockwise, yet it wouldn't turn, so he tried clockwise, and it did. The lights came on from a dim light to a strong light and they closed the door behind them. The room was a bit ...crappy compared to the sleek futuristic look of the inner building. Porn magazines littered one corner of the room.

"We-hey-hey!" Cloud shouted as he ran over to the porn magazines.

上雑音乃レベルへ弐します。

"Uh oh. What did it say that time?" Cloud breathed out, nearly falling over at the creepy monotonious echoey voice of the computer.

"Nothing much, except "ADVANCING TO NOISE LEVEL TWO". You've got to keep it down, Cloud!"

"I didn't think it would hear me in this room." he whispered while drooling over the magazines. One magazine caught his eye. It was the Shin-Ra Heart Love Heart magazine. A woman named Tifa (who was also 'possessed' by Shin-Ra Co.) was on the front, glossy page in a pink thong while cupping her breasts in both hands.

"Woah, Tifa! Hehehe.." Cloud exclaimed.

"If you are done oogling the magazines, can we get a move on?" Cait suggested. Cloud was dissapointed, but knew they must. He threw Aeris' magazine down on the pile (which caused the engineer, the next day, to realize his inner-homosexuality by reading the womanish sop stories) and picked up one of the porno magazines with Tifa on the front. "What are you doing, Cloud?"

"Oh, nothing, I just think this magazine would be better than Aeris'... you know.. better quality paper.." Cloud made that excuse up on the spot.

"Sure, whatever. Let's just get a move on. Remove this board." Cait Sith pointed to a metal board the leant against a metal wall. Cloud moved it to the side with the magazine clenched in his teeth; he tried not to show how difficult it was to move. After the metal board was out of the way, Cloud peeked his head into the duct and looked up. It was a large metal ventilation and heat duct used primarily on the floors the descended from 30; it would be big enough for Cloud to fit into. "Lift me up on your shoulders and let's climb up it. Do you have the suction shoes?" Cait asked. Cloud reached into the bag at his side and pulled out two suction shoes that resembled high heels. Cloud remembered back to a party him, Cid, Barret and the rest of the gang were having where Cid swore he would get Cloud in high heels one day. It seems he has accomplished this feat. Cursing under his breath, Cloud slid the heels on, they formed perfectly around his feet as to not allow the shoes to fall off. He lifted Cait onto his shoulder, pushed his back into the duct and pushed upwards on the side of the duct with the shoes, easily allowing access going up the duct. He kept on going, almost completly out of breath, when they reached Floor 30. Cloud punched the metal board out of the way on this floor and pulled himself inside. He shoved the shoes and the porno mag, which was still in his teeth, into his bag at his side whilst Cait clambered off his head.

"That's the last time I bloody wear those shoes." he remarked.

"Now is not the time for promises, idiot. Let's just get to work! You know that this floor has Synthetic-Heat-Intrustion-Tiles right?" Cait asked.. Synthetic-Heat-Intrusion-Tiles, or S.H.I.T. are a new security measure which detects heat from peoples shoes, hands or feet, depending on wether the person was crawling, walking bare-footed or in shoes across the floor, and would be able to identify that person. Cloud's ID on the computer system was not there, so a security alert would take place, so he couldn't afford to waltz across the S.H.I.T. floor.

"Of course, let's do it, Cait." Cloud replied. They exited the room they entered and stood upon a part of the floor that didn't contain S.H.I.T. He tore one page of the porn magazine off and placed it on the S.H.I.T. floor. He stepped upon it, repeated the page ripping thing and did this until he would eventually reach the elevator that would go up to Floor 35. He got about half-way when he was about to rip off a page containing a nude shot of Tifa. She was leaning over a table wearing nothing but a smile and a feather sticking out of her--- he slipped up because of this distraction and landed on the floor with a THUMP.

S.H.I.T.侵入者検知配備関鍵運転モード

もう一度

S.H.I.T.侵入者検知配備関鍵運転モード

"The computer is saying "S.H.I.T. INTRUDER DETECTED, DEPLOYING LOCK AND KEY OPERATING MODE". We've got to hide, Cloud!" Cait shouted.

上雑音乃レベルへ参します。

"Oops. I just made it reach Noise Level Three."

英語話検知・・・　"English Speech Detected.."

COVERTED TO ENGLISH SPEECH MODE "I don't think I need to translate that, Cloud." Cait sighed.

INTRUDER ALERT ON FLOOR 30, I REPEAT, INTRUDER ALERT ON FLOOR 30

"Quick, we must hide, now!" Cait cried. Cloud jumped up from the floor, grabbed Cait Sith and ran into the toilet. Two Level Two Security Guards ran into the room to investigate.

"So, uh, what do we do now?" one of the guards said. Extremely luckily for Cloud and Cait Sith, this was both of their first's days, so they were pretty much useless. One guard pressed a switch by the elevator which deactivated the alarm system.

NOW REVERTING TO NORMAL OPERATING MODE...

今正規モード。今正規モード。

"That voice totally creeps me out.." the other guard said. "It was probably a rat or something, I can't see anyone." he stupidly remarked. "So, did you watch the female mud wrestling last night?" he asked, as both of the guards descended in the elevator.

"That was close, Cloud. How could Tifa distract you like that! It was just a picture, geez, you've seen her tits before you know." Cait exclaimed. "...What are you doing! Don't use the toilet!" Cloud flushed.

"Why not?" Cloud asked.

固体廃棄物慎重吟味・・・同一視所属不明。人終了初めて。

"Solid Waste Examination. Unkown Identification. Subject's Termination Starting. That's why not."


	2. Chapter 2

The Becoming of Shin-Ra

_Chapter 2...__ written in 2006 (!), but never published... I should look over these old files again someday._

"What do you mean terminate the person!? That's me!" Cloud shouted. Cait Sith was about to reply, but was interrupted by the lasers that shot out the sides of the room. Luckily, Cloud and Cait Sith weren't breaking the laser's beam, yet. "What's going to happen if we trip the lasers? The laser system is too complicated to slip past out of this shit hole!" Cloud cried. Cait Sith attempted to calm him down.

"Well.. if someone passes through them, they convert to Gamma-Based Hyper-Techno Laser Beams." Cait Sith sighed.

"And that means?!" Cloud asked in hysterics.

"Gamma-Based Lasers are beams of Gamma Radiation. It would kill you within seconds after killing your body's cells. If they were weaker, then they'd just cause your cells to become cancerous. So either way you're screwed, unless.."

"Unless what?"

"You know that hand-mirror you carry around?" Cait Sith questioned him, while Cloud went red again.

"What are you talking about, I don't carry around a hand-mirror...hahaha....ha.." Cait Sith looked at him, dis-believingly. "... Alright! Who told you?!"

"Cid did."

"What! That bastard. Anyway, what about it? It's just to see around corners.." Cloud went through his bag and pulled it out. It was a black, small thin hand mirror, the kind that open up like a book. It had a gold stripe on the front.

"Well, just place it in front of the lasers and it'll bounce off of it somewhere else, then you can slip through the gap." Cait Sith was full of ideas... Cloud did as was instructed and slid the hand mirror in one of the lasers that was at about waist-height. It ricoched off the mirror and reverted to beam at one of the corners of the room. There was enough space for Cloud to pass through, even though the instability of his hand did cause the laser to move around a bit, almost causing Cloud to scream with annoyance. Cait crawled under the bottom most laser, as he was small enough to fit through. Although Cait Sith was robotic, the gamma radiation would of caused his circuits to go ballistic, rendering him un-usable. They walked up to the toilet's electric door, even though it was locked, obviously. A small screen was at the left of the door. Cait pointed to it, and Cloud noticed that something was written on it.

言葉の壁嗅ぎ出しました、今、英語を・・・ＣＯＮＶＥＲＳＩＯＮ． PLEASE ENTER YOUR IDENTIFICATION TO PASS... ... ...

"We aren't employee's here, Cloud. Entering your name would cause a lockdown on the building, then those guards out there would shoot us dead. Try someone else's name, someone who works in the building." Cloud thought for a moment.

"I got it!" ...tap, tap, tap.... tap, tap. Then ENTER.

I.D.: AERIS G. TO CONFIRM IDENTIFICATION, PLEASE ENTER THE ANSWER TO THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS. No. 1, MOTHER'S NAME.

"That is Elena, isn't it, Cloud?" Cait asked.

"Yes, but...that ain't her real mother's name. Oh well." tap.. tap, tap, tap..tap.

CONFIRMED. No 2. SIZE OF BRA.

"What!? What a perverted computer!" Cloud laughed.

"32B." Cait spoke out. Cloud glanced at him. "Don't ask."

"You dirty bugger.." tap, tap, tap, tap.

COMFIRMED. ENTRY ALLOWED, THANK YOU FOR USING SHIN-RA'S WASTE FACILITY.

The door slid open, and they slipped through. They entered back into the S.H.I.T. floor room, this time with no pornography magazine to help them get through.

"Oh, damn!" Cloud cried. "How are we to get past now?"

"Hmm. Those guards must of been incredibly stupid, they didn't even notice the magazine papers on the S.H.I.T." Cait wondered.

"That is surprising. If I saw Tifa, naked on the floor like they did, I'd be over there in a flash." Cloud laughed.

"I wonder what Tifa would say if she heard you say that.."

"I doubt she would care now. You know, being Shin-Ra's possessed super model."

"She will when we manage to get her back,.... you know."

Cait Sith and Cloud were sat down on the normal floor outside the toilet, trying to figure out how to pass.

"I've got it!" Cloud whispered. He stood up, not waiting for a reply from Cait and picked him up. Ignoring Cait's distress, he threw him over to the space of non-S.H.I.T. floor outside the lift.

"You bastard! What'dya do that for?!" Cait whined.

"That computer that the stupid guards used to de-activate the floor, use it and de-activate it for me to pass!"

"Oh." Cait did as he was told and pulled himself up the computer. Luckily, it was in the same vein as one of those credit card cash machine things, so there was enough space for him to crawl into to access the keyboard. He typed in a few figures and letters and the floor's light dimmed. Cloud assumed this meant it was not working anymore and ran over to where Cait was sitting. They had made it past, and Cloud was bloody glad. He hated all this bastard security systems. Now all they had to do was go up to Floor 35 and rescue the President of Shin-Ra.

31....32.....33.......34.....33.....

"What?! It's going down!" Cloud cried.

"Someone's called the elevator below, we've got to hide!"

"Where?! You stupid cat! We are in a lift!"

"Why don't you do what they do in the movies and stick to the ceiling?" It was a longshot, but they might as well try. Cloud quickly scaled the walls to the ceiling with Cait on his back and pushed himself against the ceiling. The elevator stopped at 30, and one of the stupid guards came in, carrying the nude magazine paper of Tifa. He was laughing to himself. He pushed the button for 35 and the doors closed.

When they reached Floor 34, Cloud leapt down on the guards back, much to Cait's dismay, as he landed in the corner. The guard didn't have time to scream as he hit his head hard on the doors of the elevator. He didn't die though; Cloud didn't need a murder charge. While the guard lay unconscious on the floor, Cloud picked up the nude page and shoved it in his bag.

"Is that all you can think about, Cloud?" Cait asked.

"Be quiet, come on, let's go!"

The doors to Floor 35 swung open, entering them into a long, red carpetted hallway. It was dead silent, the only noise being that of their muffled footsteps. Cait was looking outside the windows that were at the sides of the hallway; snow fell gently down outside, settling on the plate below.

"This building is so tall it reaches beyond the plate, allowing weather condition to affect it.." Cait sighed. The windows were installed with the latest in weather battling technology; when the snow hits the window a sensitive heat barrier comes on, leaving the window clear from bad visibilty by the snow.

They came upon a large, red, double set of doors at the end of the hallway. All they could hear beyond the door was Yuffie talking.

"It sounds as if she is talking to herself." Cloud whispered.

"No, you idiot. She is talking on the mobile phone..."

"How? This Floor is too high to recieve a signal. Ah, she must be talking to someone inside the building." Cloud muttered. Cait clapped his hands quietly and sarcastically. "But who?" They pressed their ears against the door.

"Yes, the photo shoot is tomorrow.." they could hear. It was defintely Yuffie. "no Tifa,.."

"Wow, Tifa is in the building!" Cloud whispered excitedly.

"You dumb bastard, you've seen her a thousand times before."

"Yes, but now she is inclined to get naked for photos..we can rescue both of them now, I guess."

"Too risky, let's get Yuffie and come back for Tifa later."

"......I don't know, the guards said it was just a rat..... don't worry, Tifa, you're in safe hands, with our security system, no one can get in! Hahaha.."

The door to her office slowly opened, and in tip-toed Cait and Cloud. Cloud quietly pulled out a hankerchief, dipped in a volatile chemical whilst Yuffie kept talking. She was not facing them, so they weren't caught. Cloud walked up to Yuffie and wrapped the hankerchief around her mouth, causing her to inhale as she tried to find the air to scream. She went down instantly, knocked out.

"Yuffie? Hellooo?" Tifa said on the other line. Cait quickly ran over to the phone and picked it up. With perfect precision, he imitated Yuffie's voice.

"Sorry, I dropped the mobile phone. It's getting late, I'm going to bed, goodnight, Tifa!" Cait said, as he clicked the phone off.

"Wow, that was a good inpersonation. Can you do Tifa as well?" Cait nodded and spoke in Tifa's voice.

"You're a stupid bastard, Cloud." he laughed.

"Wait, say something dirty while my eyes are closed.."

"What?! Piss off! Come on, we need to get out of here." Cait cried. "Pick up Yuffie and I'll contact Cid." The elevator whirred and beeped and came to a stop outside Floor 35. Unfortunetly for Cloud and Cait Sith, the stupid guard had found the unconscious guard and they were both eager to stop these intruders. "Uh oh. Those guards! They've spotted us!"

"Receiving transmission from Cait, we'd better get down there immediatly, it looks like a distress bloody signal!" Cid shouted to Barret, who was piloting the helicopter that lay suspended above the Shin-Ra building. The helicopter lowered it's height and appeared outside Floor 35's window. Cloud and Cait could be seen, Yuffie laying unconscious over Cloud's shoulder. Cid slid open the helicopter's door and let down a long rope that descended at least to Floor 24. Cloud saw the oppurtunity, and ran towards the window, Cait's hand gripped in his own. The guards shot randomly everywhere, hitting a security monitor for the men's shower room, a Shin-Ra built television and a CPR-12000 Radio. Shards of glass threw themselves out into the harsh cold winds of outside as Cloud jumped through the window. It put a massive strain on him as his grabbed the rope with one hand with Cait dangling out of the other and Yuffie's weight on his shoulder, but he managed it luckily. Cait let go of his hand and grabbed the rope for himself. The helicopter acsended, leaving nothing but a broken window and a few stupid guards to wonder what the hell just happened.

"The President has been abducted!" one of them cried.

"What are we gonna do? If our supervisor finds out about this, we are so dead!" the other one whimpered.

"Don't worry Biggs, I've got an idea. You dress up as Presidenta Yuffie and we'll continue like nothing ever happened."

"Are you insane?! You'd look better in the bloody dress, Wedge."


End file.
